Ultimately. it’s up to you to decide whether trying something different is worthwhile. Our narcissistic traits are all mind-based, and this involves us losing touch with our body and soul. It means we live alienated from a large part of our human experience. Being vulnerable, sharing power, taking responsibility, these are all difficult things to do. But don’t forget; nobody says you can’t be special. It’s just better for the world when you’re special without stepping on everyone’s toes. Being special and living a full life while accepting the bumps and bruises along the way makes it worthwhile. Accomplishments are only worthwhile when they are earned.
We were struggling financially at that point in time, and she had brought “groceries” (read: all stuff that had been sitting in the back of her cabinet for God knows how long and ended up getting thrown away—stale bread, expired cans), so I didn’t say anything. Then, about a week later, we had my stepdaughter for the weekend. They stopped by (unannounced) right after my husband told my stepdaughter he was going to take her outside. But since they showed up, we wanted her to spend some time with them. She, being an impatient 7 y/o on the Spectrum, kept asking to go outside and play. I GENTLY told her to stop asking and to spend time with her grandmother, that she could go outside after they left, then told her if she kept asking, she wasn’t going to get to go outside. She asked again, so I told her no, she couldn’t go outside at all. That’s all that happened.
Fast forward another week to when I gave birth. I had a c-section. Come out of surgery and my BIL is there (I had only wanted my dad and MIL there taking care of the twins while my husband was with me in the OR). My baby girl had some blood sugar issues, so she ended up having to go to the nursery that night and got put on IV sugars. My MIL called my husband the next morning and said her, her husband, AND my other BIL were all coming up there so she could hold my baby (not ASKING if she could, TELLING us she was). We told her no because of the IV (plus I didn’t want all those people there). My baby got her IV pulled the next morning, and we didn’t discharge until later in the day the following day, and she knew all that, so she could have come any time in those last two days and held her with no issues, but she didn’t.
The day after we discharged, we took the baby to a doctor’s appointment, then stopped by a friend’s house. Well of course, that friend’s mother held my baby for TWO SECONDS, took a picture, and posted it on FB. Didn’t even realize it had happened until my MIL started pitching a fit about it. Instead of being an adult and talking to ME, she ran to her mother and told her all kinds of lies. Her mother is bi-polar schizophrenic, so I started getting threatening text messages. Then my MIL says she’s going to drive all over our town to find my stepdaughter and give my stepdaughter her Christmas presents, but she’s taking the twins’ and my youngest’s presents back.
The next month she kisses up to my stepdaughter’s mother by giving her all kinds of money, then tell her that I was mistreating my stepdaughter the day they showed up unannounced (even though I was trying to get my stepdaughter to spend time WITH HER). So now we haven’t seen my stepdaughter since Christmas, despite a court order, and I just had to threaten to call the cops on my MIL because she was driving up and down my road rubbing it in mine and my husband’s faces that she had my stepdaughter. All because I won’t let her run my life
The pain you avoid when you behave narcissistically is what reminds you that the pain is real. Growth and pain are synonymous, and exposing yourself to the full spectrum of human experience is exhilarating. Finally, that narcissistic voice in your head might tell you to forget about all that crap. Why go through emotional strain and pain when you can avoid all that and just live in your head, where you can control everything and everyone?