I lectured her the next day. Sure, girls have to watch each other’s backs and he WAS being a slimeball, but I think I went over the top. Her mother died when we were in high school and her father went back to drinking after that. I think this is what made me so crazy about protecting her, and made her feel the need to lie to me—-maybe we both saw me as filling that void, but I realized that I needed to back off and be a friend instead of trying to be her mom.
I had sworn off hearing guys – they were initially ok, initially made a bit of an effort, learning some signs etc. But they eventually lost interest citing communication difficulties, leaving me feel a bit disappointed. So I’d had enough. I met him through a friend from school. I had arranged to go for a walk in the Lake District with her and her boyfriend, both of whom are fluent in BSL. I wasn’t third wheeling – I knew a few others would be there, including this guy who kept trying to talk to me.
Accidently on purpose, I listened in on a call to catch someone in a lie. When enough was said to hang herself, I broke in and confronted the woman with the truth. She hemmed and hawed, stuttered and stammered, but finally had to admit her guilt. I hung up the receiver with the satisfaction of vindication, as truth prevailed. I tried to set aside Friday afternoons to relax and calm down for the pleasure of chauffeuring (totally free of charge) one of my many mothers by choice, who could no longer drive. Our routine that lasted for a number of years caused us to have the best attendance record at religious services, even better than the leader.
I spent over 2 hours on a Thursday counseling a couple with major debt problems. I asked them to go home, think over what we discussed and call me if they wanted to proceed with preparing their bankruptcy petition. They demanded to have the wife return Friday afternoon because they had “important business” Saturday and Sunday that I offered routinely so they did not need to miss work. After more than 2 hours, all free of charge on Friday, re-explaining all that we had discussed the day before, I finally understood what was going on.
I asked her if she trusted a single word I had spoken. She answered NO not really. Then I asked why would she hire me. She answered because of the work we had already done (still at the point totally free of charge). I said the few hours of work so far was nothing compared to the 5 or 6 years of work that would be required to complete her case and obtain her discharge. That is when I returned her papers to her folder and handed it to her, refusing to handle her case. She asked who could she complain about my refusal.
She was right, I didn’t approve of Jordan. But I knew I could not control her choices and that my only job was to support her and care for her no matter what. They dated for a year and he slowly redeemed himself and became a person I was comfortable being around. I tried to treat him like that night had never happened. The funniest part was when she introduced him to me and my boyfriend, and I had to bite myself to keep from saying, “so what are your intentions with my best friend?”