He kept me in a circular argument for over an hour and so I dropped it because I couldn’t defend myself and was tired. I knew I was being manipulated when I felt like apologising even though I was the one who was upset by his actions, not the other way around. Still unresolved, I raised my concerns again a few hours later (which is not something I had done before). He blew his top and got really nasty and intimidating, saying that I had put him in a difficult position and that he was not very happy about it to say the least. He said “If you want, we can talk sometime” and then the silence started. The thing is, he didn’t want ‘to talk’, he was waiting for me to apologise, to go back and grovel for his forgiveness and for me to forget about what he’d done, for me to get over my upset. He had no intention of contacting me and I used to wonder how long it would have gone on for if I hadn’t taken action.
He gave me the All Things Must Pass boxed set by George Harrison. I was thrilled ! Boxed sets weren’t cheap. I showed my parents and they didn’t seem concerned. They knew I wasn’t a moron. In return for the gift I had my Dad drive me to The French Quarter one night to go to a t-shirt shop. I bought Coach an Olivia Newton John t-shirt with COACH on the back in glitter letters. He loved it. As an adult I can totally understand why it may have raised concerns and seemed to be inappropriate to other teachers. I know minors can be groomed and never want any harm to come to their abuser, but Coach and I never even sat close enough to each other for anything to happen. He was behind his desk and I was usually in a desk pulled up to his.
I’ll tell you another time when I discovered that our lonely divorced English teacher and a really popular, handsome, rich boy were having sex at her house daily after school. In no time EVERYONE knew it and nothing was done. We also watched as another Coach flirted with a tall , blonde , married History teacher and she flirted back. Pretty soon they were kissing anyplace they could find. She left her husband and they married. He was really not that much older then we were and it was his first job coaching and teaching. He didn’t lose his job at least.
I was miserable and just had enough; I couldn’t understand his horrible behaviour. How someone could claim to love me so much and yet behave completely the opposite was causing me confusion to the point of suicidal thoughts. It was during this week of silence, I was just so tired of it all and I knew in my gut what I was going to have to do – even before I knew about narcissism. That same week, I went for a drink with a friend and that friend just happened to have a degree in psychology. When I told him about the week of silence and some of what had happened during the relationship, he told me to read up on narcissism because my partner’s behaviour sounded very similar. I went home and did just that and…I simply could not believe what I was seeing! My partner – there in black and white. Text book.