We decided to follow her idea and give her almost nothing to do. (I know it’s not a good solution.) But she still forgot. In the next year we decided to not let her be a member of any project but failed. She didn’t even ask, she came and sit with us immediately. I was very disappointed, so disappointed and tried not to interact with her. I could not even look at her face. I didn’t like it when she was like that. I didn’t like her. After two months, I had some courage to talk to her. I was so afraid I would break down in front of her and cry. I said, “Do you know you are so independent? That’s how you are different from the others.”. She told me” Yes, I can choose if I want to do something or not. If I don’t, there’s no need to say anything.”
My ex from a fourteen year relationship occasionally worked odd hours, I’d call him at work to ask what he wanted for dinner and to cheer him up a bit. Then, over the course of three months, there would be ad hoc times when I’d call his desk phone but get no answer so I’d call his mobile, initially thinking he had probably finished earlier than anticipated and was on his way home (and to check that he wasn’t keeping me hanging while he went off to the pub without telling me).
So I’d call his mobile and ask ‘where are you?’. A few times he would indeed ‘be on his way home’ – yet things were off. I’d never told him that I could often tell when he was lying, he had a certain smugness about him when he did it, sometimes he would even have a particular smirk that he would do when he thought I wasn’t looking (and I can ‘hear’ someone’s facial expression when they are on the phone – probably due to many work hours and long distance boyfriends in the past). He would claim that he had just left the office yet there would be dead silence in the background, none of the usual urban sound of cars going by or his footsteps on the pavement etc.
Or he would be ‘walking to the train station’ but I could here someone in court shoes clearly keeping step beside him for the duration of the call. I began to chat even longer just so I could listen to what was going on around him. I didn’t let on and he grew ever bolder. He started telling me that he was still at his desk. Lol. He worked in an open plan cavernous office yet he was clearly in a small enclosed area when he answered the phone – even in silence the two sound distinctly different. Sometimes he even answered the phone and chatted to me whilst lying on his back.
I did eventually confront him (there were plenty of other clues too) and I used the fact that I had previously called his desk phone immediately before reaching him on the mobile for the last three months as one of the reasons I believed he was having an affair at work. What I didn’t tell him was the fact that I could also read the background noise so I knew he wasn’t where he claimed to be. Two weeks later he called from work one night to say that he had missed out on getting a pizza delivered to work for dinner (something he never did) and the pizza delivery guy had given up trying to call on his desk phone to get the front door opened – but the phone never rang.
The story I tell this time comes from a copy of The Reader’s Digest, back in the 1970’s. At the checkout line, a rather rude, obnoxious woman with a large order cut in front of the man with only a gallon of milk. After the rude, obnoxious woman walked away in victory, the man was prepared to pay for the gallon of milk. The clerk said it was O.K. The sympathetic clerk rang up the cost of one gallon of milk on the obnoxious woman’s receipt. My son had a good friend who did this once, but the mom actually put on the card that while she would love to be able to have a party for her child she could not afford it and that if we would come to the skating rink (parents had to pay the entrance fee for their own kids) and spend time with her daughter that would be our gift to her, she would have a cake and ice cream.