My mother and I have made peace. She admitted to doing things out of spite regarding my dad. My mother also left us in the care of other people, sometimes for days. This resulted in years of sexual abuse. I know it wasnt her fault and she was out trying to fix my dad. But she was not a great mother and I have also lacked in my early days of mothering. She has always admitted to never wanting children. She was always cold and un-loving, despite loving us wholly. She did not show it. She never questioned why I pulled my hair out at age 4 and why I bit my cuticles till blood ran, starting at age 6. Or why I was afraid of the dark. How could she not see me falling into the dark? Easy answer, my father was drowning her too. She coped by drinking and sleeping around.
She knew I was adopted, but she didn’t say not to raise your hand if you don’t know your biological family’s history, and she then told me, in front of the whole class, “Put your hand down, you’re adopted.” (Truth be told, I did know even at that time, that some people in my biological family had heart disease.) But she had no right to tell the class I was adopted nor to assume I didn’t know any biological history of my family. She asked us to raise our hands if we had any relatives in our family who had heart disease. My grandfather had heart disease so I raised my hand.