Likewise, a woman who is unclear on whether her man is supposed to be her lover first or friend and housemate will perhaps place too many demands on her partner, expecting him to be interested in talking about her day every day, rather than having this need met by friends and family, and keeping time with her partner for deeper communion and even mystery. If her partner is unclear and gives in to this, they will likely lose their passion.
One of them asked me to take them somewhere we had not even planned on going, and completely out of the way. It was a party to someone’s house who I’d never even heard of. I would have totally gone, but when I asked for my moms permission she unfortunately said no. They could have invited people to hang out with us, but they had no suggestions. Then the guy in the back got super heated, mouthing stuff under his breath towards me and got all pissed off, almost like he was about to fight me. Not knowing what to say next, and not wanting to kick them out of my car just yet, I blurted out “where do you guys wanna go then?” They suggested McDonald’s, so that’s where I drove them.
We get to McDonald’s and I get up to the cash register ready to order my food. Once I order the two guys behind me are expecting me to pay for their meals too. Yes, right after I just drove them and used my gas money to get them there, they’re just sitting behind me expecting me to pay for all their shit. I said no, I’m paying for my food only, you guys pay for your own food since I drove. They both kept looking at each other. At this point I’m just feeling disquested and completely regretting even inviting them over. I will never forget this. When I was 16, two of my “buddies” at the time came over to my house. I was planning on driving them somewhere. They were polite around my parents and everything, but as soon as we left the house I was surprised they both ended up being assholes to me for the whole rest of the night.
We all sit down at a table in McDonald’s and they’re sitting across from me. The guy who got pissed off in the car leans over to other one and starts whispering about me. I heard the word “ugly” come out of his mouth. I would have just left them there and drove away, but for some weird reason I felt bad leaving them there, and I thought this would make me look bad. At that very moment I told myself in my head that I would never invite them anywhere again in my life. I confronted the guy. I asked, “did you just call me ugly?” He said something like, “nah you’re not ugly you’re just basic” or something like that. I didn’t even know what to say, or what to do from there. I would have looked like an idiot if I drove off without them, and so I felt that I couldn’t have done that.
Even though this was so long ago it still affects me to this day. And the guy who came with us in my car has even still bullied me in years after this incident, running into me in hallways and trying to take control of what I would do for some weird reason. The guy was a prick and I wish I had never met him, never knew him, and to this day he still tries to associate with me but I literally just ignore him. I never have ever experienced someone being so mean to me in my entire life. I never wanted to be friends with him. It was literally abuse.
Over time, she may feel the need to embody that sexual mystery and seek that deeper communion from someone else, or she may simply grow resentful, blue and downhearted from not being truly seen and taken beyond words. Without this, the relationship will stagnate and become an indistinguishable blob. There will be no new experiences coming in to test and hone the relationship. No excitement to keep things fresh.